Below is the transcript for the animated news show, "HassleHead News" episode, "Screw Google,"
INT. NEWS STUDIO - WIDE SHOT
PRODUCER (V.O.): Roll the intro. Roll it.
INTRODUCTION GRAPHICS AND MUSIC - “HASSLE HEAD NEWS.”
ANNOUNCER (V.O.): Hassle Head News. Keeping our eyes on the big guys. News. Analysis. Commentary. Culture. Humor. More. Hassle Head News.
DREW: Today’s top story: you can screw Google. They’re screwing you, and you can screw them back. Sweet. For more on the story, we go to Buck.
BUCK: Should we say those things?
DREW: Say it. (Louder) Say it!
BUCK: Last February Google announced plans to digitize the entire video collection of the United States National Archives and make it available online.
O.S. SOUNDS: Max in pain.
BUCK: Many of those videos are now available. The problem: they’re not in an open source format. They’re only available in a proprietary format owned by Google.
O.S. SOUNDS: Max, in pain.
BUCK: What’s with Max?
MAX: Proprietary format ... so infuriating.
His head EXPLODES. Drew pulls Max’s BRAINS off her cheek and EATS them.
DREW: Mmm! Brains. (pause) Max is a wee bit upset because the footage is public domain material. It’s the property of every US citizen but they’ve locked it away in their own format. We can look but we can’t touch. And it’s ours.
O.S. MAX: Hey could you put my mouth on my neck stump, please?
Drew puts his mouth up on his neck stump.
MAX MOUTH: There’s a way around their gatekeeper technology. Grab the coded URL for the video you want from Google. There it is. Put it into the form at videodl.org. It finds the address of the actual file and lets you download it. After you’ve got the file, feed it into this website: media-convert.com. Select the output format, wait and download and editable version.
BUCK: We’ve just given you a tutorial on how to download Google videos for editing. You can use the same methods on YouTube and other sites. Don’t do anything illegal with these methods.
MAX: Please use these methods to gather public domain content only and respect the copyright of others.
DREW: Join us next time for another weekly wrap-up, news and analysis.
MUSIC PLAYS: “Clover” by Neo-World, available under creative commons license on music.podshow.com
Screenshots from www.media-convert.com, www.videodl.com, and video.google.com, are used for reporting and commentary purposes and constitute fair use.
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
CNN Could Kill You -- Transcript
Below is the transcript for the animated news show HassleHead News episode: "CNN Could Kill You!"
HASSLE HEAD NEWS #1
INT. NEWS STUDIO - WIDE SHOT
A moment of silence. The characters move papers around on the desk. Then, O.S.
PRODUCER (V.O.): Dead air. Dead air you numbskulls. Roll the intro. Roll it.
INTRODUCTION GRAPHICS AND MUSIC - “HASSLE HEAD NEWS.”
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Hassle Head News. Keeping our eyes on the big guys. News. Analysis. Commentary. Culture. Humor. More. Hassle Head News.
BUCK: Our top story this week: CNN could kill you. Under the exactly right conditions, CNN, the giant media conglomerate owned by the gargantuan Time Waner/AOL conglomerate could kill you. For more on this exclusive HHN report, here’s Drew.
DREW: It could kill me? But I don’t want to die. I’m young. I’m pretty. I want more sex.
MAX: In an exclusive report HHN has determined that CNN could be lethal to your health under exactly the following conditions: if the cable news giant were the earth’s atmosphere and the percent of news in CNN programming were equivalent to the percent of oxygen in the atmoshphere, you would asphyxiate and die.
DREW: Asphyiate? (she cries) And Die? (she cries hysterically)
BUCK: But CNN is not the earth’s atmosphere.
MAX: Right. So it won’t actually kill you. But it does suck.
BUCK: Define suck for us Max.
Max makes a hole of his mouth and makes a sucking sound.
BUCK: I work with imbeciles.
DREW: We analyzed several hours of CNN programming from Monday of this week. The percent of it as part of a CNN programming hour was below 20% and may have been as low as 9%. In one hour of programming that we analyzed in detail, CNN carried 14 news items and 26 self promotions. Here’s a clip of the “just ahead” items. These items are the time fillers during which the cable network could give us real information but instead just tells us to stay tuned.
ROLL THE JUST AHEAD CLIP.
BUCK: Repellent.
MAX: Revolting.
DREW: Abominable.
BUCK: In other news, the horn of Africa will go to war, again, with little care or notice from the outside world. Dude you’re standing on my sand, it turns out, remains one of the most bellicose things one can say.
MAX: A week after the Iraq Study Group report, it’s clear it was commissioned to produced a straw man for the president to assail and eschew in an effort to look presidential.
DREW: A well manicured and groomed penis, a circumcised one, that is, reduces the HIV infections in heterosexual men.
ANNOUNCER: Join us next week for another weekly wrap-up, news and analysis.
HASSLE HEAD NEWS #1
INT. NEWS STUDIO - WIDE SHOT
A moment of silence. The characters move papers around on the desk. Then, O.S.
PRODUCER (V.O.): Dead air. Dead air you numbskulls. Roll the intro. Roll it.
INTRODUCTION GRAPHICS AND MUSIC - “HASSLE HEAD NEWS.”
ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
Hassle Head News. Keeping our eyes on the big guys. News. Analysis. Commentary. Culture. Humor. More. Hassle Head News.
BUCK: Our top story this week: CNN could kill you. Under the exactly right conditions, CNN, the giant media conglomerate owned by the gargantuan Time Waner/AOL conglomerate could kill you. For more on this exclusive HHN report, here’s Drew.
DREW: It could kill me? But I don’t want to die. I’m young. I’m pretty. I want more sex.
MAX: In an exclusive report HHN has determined that CNN could be lethal to your health under exactly the following conditions: if the cable news giant were the earth’s atmosphere and the percent of news in CNN programming were equivalent to the percent of oxygen in the atmoshphere, you would asphyxiate and die.
DREW: Asphyiate? (she cries) And Die? (she cries hysterically)
BUCK: But CNN is not the earth’s atmosphere.
MAX: Right. So it won’t actually kill you. But it does suck.
BUCK: Define suck for us Max.
Max makes a hole of his mouth and makes a sucking sound.
BUCK: I work with imbeciles.
DREW: We analyzed several hours of CNN programming from Monday of this week. The percent of it as part of a CNN programming hour was below 20% and may have been as low as 9%. In one hour of programming that we analyzed in detail, CNN carried 14 news items and 26 self promotions. Here’s a clip of the “just ahead” items. These items are the time fillers during which the cable network could give us real information but instead just tells us to stay tuned.
ROLL THE JUST AHEAD CLIP.
BUCK: Repellent.
MAX: Revolting.
DREW: Abominable.
BUCK: In other news, the horn of Africa will go to war, again, with little care or notice from the outside world. Dude you’re standing on my sand, it turns out, remains one of the most bellicose things one can say.
MAX: A week after the Iraq Study Group report, it’s clear it was commissioned to produced a straw man for the president to assail and eschew in an effort to look presidential.
DREW: A well manicured and groomed penis, a circumcised one, that is, reduces the HIV infections in heterosexual men.
ANNOUNCER: Join us next week for another weekly wrap-up, news and analysis.
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